Baking · Fat Burn · Food · Life · Unfit mother

Fatburn – Days 11 & 12

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I can’t believe there’s almost only two days left.  The past two have been so painless that I’m kinda worried about reintroducing the prohibited foods back into my daily life.  I have no intention of going sugar-crazy on Monday, but neither do I want to be scared of food.  I’m not a believer in the whole concept of clean eating because in the words of the great Nigella Lawson, I don’t think food is dirty.  I want moderation, balance and body-listening rather than shame or guilt from eating something I think I shouldn’t.  At this stage I am now realising I should’ve set more distinct goals rather than a vague break the sugar addiction and feel better.  So far I think I’ve achieved the feeling better part, though I do worry about whether, if I have broken the sugar habit, will I undo all my good (and sometimes painful) work over the past 12 days?  Because when I read back and especially think about day 6 (parkrun fiasco), I don’t want to have to do that again.  In terms of looking better, an online clothes delivery has arrived and I’m not completely dreading trying them on, which is nice.  But when I look down in the shower, I still have my little rounded tum which the boys once called home and I wonder whether it’d still be there no matter what weight I am or how much I work out.  And that’s no bad thing; just something I have to accept.  Am I chasing a body that I never had or never will have or maybe don’t have the desire to have if it means not enjoying life, family, friends where food is involved.

I love food and I don’t want to give up that joy, and I don’t apologise for it.  I just need to stop abusing it because I’m dulling my metaphorical tastebuds by overindulging too often.  If you want to know what I ate yesterday and today we had the usual suspects of eggs, green veg, some fish to take a much-needed poultry break and almond pancakes.  I also added some sweet potato to last night’s dinner and although the routine  had changed and I freestyled a lot of my bodycombat class, I didn’t feel as empty and was able to work hard.  Tomorrow and Sunday are to be fast days and since I don’t smoothie I will be egging it up and might have a little steak as a treat for dinner.  Tailrunning at parkrun (rather than unintentionally last week haha) so I’ll be taking it easy.  I also overcompensated for the lack of sugar in my own diet by baking this cake to take to a friend’s house tonight – vanilla sponge with cherry jam filling, fifteens to decorate and a condensed milk drizzle.  Not sweet at all.  I may have to ask for a slice to take home for Monday…

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